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10-5-09 stupidgirlshit

me feeling terribly lonely.

So I don’t quite know why I keep thinking about Justin. I mean, he’s cute and all but I hardly know anything about the kid. Maybe that’s it. Maybe he intrigues me. Even still, it’s more than he should. Ugh I just hope that we do hook up again. It would be so nice! He seemed to into it when we actually did. I keep forgetting that really did happen. Maybe that’s good. Maybe it would be like a do-over if we hooked up again. He’s just so cute! And not in a conventional way. And he’s so interesting. I love his photography. What I wouldn’t give for him to want to take pictures of me. Jesus, even this has my heart going. I shouldn’t be projecting all of my fantasies onto him! It’s not healthy considering he had Jago tell me to “forget” we ever hooked up. Maybe when I see him again it will be different. Maybe he will actually want me now. I hope I don’t want him just because he turned me down. I don’t think that’s it. I mean, I wanted him the summer before, too. It probably has something to do with it though. Again, not healthy behavior. I can’t help it though! Whenever I think of a guy I want to be with, my mind goes to him! It’s kind of weird, actually, but who am I to question my mind/heart? I guess I’ll just go with it for now and hope that something happens over Thanksgiving break. God, what I wouldn’t give to hook up with him again so soon. I think if we hooked up again it would mean something and he wouldn’t want to forget it. I think.

I kind of wish I wasn’t so caught up on this but at the same time I kind of like it. It’s nice to have a guy to think about if you don’t actually have one to hook up with. Hopefully that doesn’t last long, though. I want to hook up with boys! Like NOW.



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